frizz_ease (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} frizz_ease) wrote,@ 2008-04-25 16:06:00 |
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Be careful what you wish for...
I have always battled with my weight and have an ongoing issues with my body image. My emotional state, revolves around the bathroom scale. If I gain weight...I'm depressed. If I lose weight...it's a good day. I have gained and lost the same damn pound at least 100 times! My dear friend Salma has also struggled with her weight. She is very petite Bengali woman. She is 50 years old and the entire time I have known her she has been a size 14 and 150 lbs. We tried walking programs. But we would just go as far as Starbucks and end up sipping lattes! We tried support groups but they became pot luck dinners. We even thought of Weight Watchers, but it's right next door to Panera so we didn't even risk it!!!!
Just recently, Salma was diagnosed with stomach cancer. In a blink of an eye, she was taken to Cleveland Clinic and had surgery. Her entire stomach, spleen and part of her pancreas were removed. She spent 9 days in the hospital and returned home last week. The doctor said, she has stage 3 stomach cancer. She has a 22% chance of being alive in 5 years. Yesterday she asked if I would take her shopping because none of her clothes fit. We shopped and found out she has dropped from a size 14 to a size 6 pants, from a large t-shirt to an extra small, her weight is now 104. She will meet with her oncologist in a few weeks and a plan for chemo and radiation will be developed. The doctor wants her to maintain her current weight, but Salma says getting in enough calories is very hard. I wonder if she, like me, used to dream of having those pounds fly off her body??? Yesterday while clinging to her size 6 pants, she said, "Why me, Michelle, why me?" I told her this isn't fair and there is no reason she should be sick. She just smiled and tucked the pants into our cart.
When I got home, I thought long and hard about my struggle with weight. I decided I need to come to terms with my own fears and insecurities and most importantly, I need to be very very very careful what I wish for.
I have always battled with my weight and have an ongoing issues with my body image. My emotional state, revolves around the bathroom scale. If I gain weight...I'm depressed. If I lose weight...it's a good day. I have gained and lost the same damn pound at least 100 times! My dear friend Salma has also struggled with her weight. She is very petite Bengali woman. She is 50 years old and the entire time I have known her she has been a size 14 and 150 lbs. We tried walking programs. But we would just go as far as Starbucks and end up sipping lattes! We tried support groups but they became pot luck dinners. We even thought of Weight Watchers, but it's right next door to Panera so we didn't even risk it!!!!
Just recently, Salma was diagnosed with stomach cancer. In a blink of an eye, she was taken to Cleveland Clinic and had surgery. Her entire stomach, spleen and part of her pancreas were removed. She spent 9 days in the hospital and returned home last week. The doctor said, she has stage 3 stomach cancer. She has a 22% chance of being alive in 5 years. Yesterday she asked if I would take her shopping because none of her clothes fit. We shopped and found out she has dropped from a size 14 to a size 6 pants, from a large t-shirt to an extra small, her weight is now 104. She will meet with her oncologist in a few weeks and a plan for chemo and radiation will be developed. The doctor wants her to maintain her current weight, but Salma says getting in enough calories is very hard. I wonder if she, like me, used to dream of having those pounds fly off her body??? Yesterday while clinging to her size 6 pants, she said, "Why me, Michelle, why me?" I told her this isn't fair and there is no reason she should be sick. She just smiled and tucked the pants into our cart.
When I got home, I thought long and hard about my struggle with weight. I decided I need to come to terms with my own fears and insecurities and most importantly, I need to be very very very careful what I wish for.
